Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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