This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
