In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
