do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
