i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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