I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
