Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
