Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
