none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
