i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
