i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
