She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
