After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
