erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm really busy with my period
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