If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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