Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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