when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So much rum. So many feels.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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