The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
whose parrot is this?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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