if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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