Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
