I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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