My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
