I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
