I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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