I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
