Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
