My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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