i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
