im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
