if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Life is so much better after having sex.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
