billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
