I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
