I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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