You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
