Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
