You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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