Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
