at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
