fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
