I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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