I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
