I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
