the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
