I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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