...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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