New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
