I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
