What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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