Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
