I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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