I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
