I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.