Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
