i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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