Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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