So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
