while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
