As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
