If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
