We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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