He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
