thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
