Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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