My pussy is not your playground.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
