You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
