Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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