How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
