she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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