We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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