I just made out with a guy for $7.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
