i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone signed my nipple.
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