Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
