There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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