My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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