i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
